It has been a minute, quite a long one, since I have written and the reason is simple, I was empty. The New Year for me didn’t symbolize newness, it symbolized that nothing appeared to be changing. Everything felt and looked the same. It was so disappointing. I sensed an intangible transition begin but without any logistics regarding the transition I didn’t pay as close attention or seek the way I should have regarding it. As usual I began to question everything and everyone around me, including me and decisions and choices I had made along the way. I didn’t want to be around people, I didn’t want to speak with anyone, and I didn’t want anyone giving me a “Word”. I just wanted to be alone. I was barely getting through the days. I was in an unfamiliar place yet again. Crying at the drop of a hat. I know what was attempting to come on me but even in that state I refused to let it become my companion.
At some point throughout the first two weeks, when I felt like the light inside was about to go out, that still, quiet voice raised itself up and explained to me that there was nothing and no one that could help me but ME. I had to put my grown pants on and just start doing what I knew to do. I forced myself to encourage myself, I forced myself to speak the Word, I forced myself to pray in the Spirit and daily I felt my strength come back, daily I was supplied with what I needed to get me back on track. My baby steps turned into giant leaps. Through this time I was ministered to about wholeness and the importance of wholeness in one’s life, especially in the life of the 21st century woman. I was shown where I had become dependent on people and situations and anytime one does that they are setting themselves up for possible disappointment. I had lost my balance and began putting all my time and focus into situations and people, not always getting the same in return, and thereby becoming empty. I wasn’t re-filling what I was releasing.
Interesting enough, I found I wasn’t alone. Many others were coming to me feeling the same way. Looking for an answer. I know the answer. There comes a time when one has to mature, put their grown pants on and face themselves and the reality of their situations. Christians have a tendency to live in denial, wait for God to do it and put the blame on others. There comes a time when one has to declare victory over life’s challenges, despite how it appears or what it feels like. There comes the time when one has to rely on the Spirit within to encourage and not other people. Most importantly there comes the time when one has to be honest with God and with themselves about what is and what is not working in their lives, about what is bearing fruit and about what is drying everything up. Sometimes God turning a situation around is making the way of escape.
Life in general teaches us to be dependent on something or someone to survive. Some women and possibly men find their dependency in their mate, their family or possibly their children. Some people find their dependency in their place of fellowship or their business / job and some people find their dependency in their lifestyle. The question then becomes, “If all of these things were taken, leaving one by themselves, what would there be left to depend on?” The answer, there would be nothing to depend on except self and that which self has built within. So the next question is, “How are you built?”
Being dependent on people, positions and things can cause one to become paralyzed, it can cause one to continue in the same cycle, it can cause one to stay in unhealthy situations and it can cause one to never grow. It can bring complacency. It can cause one in the lowest of moments to just settle for the first thing that comes along.
True dependency must be in self and that which self believes in, whatever that belief is. One can have the nicest of things and what would appear to be the perfect situation, job, family, they can have amazing talent but if they are not whole, if they do not make up the components of wholeness, such as integrity, the fruits of the Spirit and character then there is just an empty vessel beautified with nice things. People put so much energy into making life appear to be what it is not and they work so hard for things when in the end none of that is what matters. I am not saying it is not great to have the things that one desires but when it causes you to step outside of who you are, when it begins to control your actions, when it causes one to sense that they are irreplaceable or when it causes you to exalt things above what or who you believe in it then can do one more harm than good. With all of life’s twists and turns we must have that foundation of wholeness so that we don’t become loss.
Self-examination is key. Regardless of what people think, other people can’t control people and they can’t control one's destiny. People can be manipulated or deceived by other people but never controlled. What can control an individual is fear, doubt, unworthiness, negative thinking, etc. Rise up in faith and become who you are supposed to be, walk like it is done, talk like it is done, find your balance. Stop looking for others to validate you. Stop looking for God to speak to someone concerning you. At some point you should grow enough in your walk where you hear God just fine for yourself. We must ensure that we are in the right place doing the right thing with the right people around us. We must ensure that we are no longer wasting time with things and people that aren’t feeding our destiny. We must stop looking to others to build us up, to encourage us, to make us feel secure, and to bail us out. I want whole people around me, I want a whole mate, and I believe it exists. I don’t believe that you have to have different people to encompass the different areas of wholeness. I believe the right mate will encompass them all. But the truth is, if you are not whole yourself how can you recognize the right people, mate, things and decisions in life?
We are so close, if not already entering into what has been destined for us. Being whole emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and even financially is key to entering in and being able to be sustained in that which was destined for you.
For me, I don’t want to have to depend on a relationship to justify me or to provide for me. I prefer to be in a relationship that I can enjoy, that I am an asset to and know that if something were to ever happen where I ended up alone I wouldn’t have to worry because my dependency was not in that relationship or what it provided. I never want to be in a place where I am dependent on my job or the things and people around me. I don’t want to have to settle because of dependency. I’d rather know how to minister to my mate (the right mate) so he can function, how to balance the day to day, be an asset to that which I connect to, a giver, a wisdom seeker and an encourager. The 21st century woman is whole and complete, lacking nothing and this is not only who I desire to be it is who I am and I am going to start wearing her well!
