Recently, I have had a great deal of people contact me with questions regarding relationships.
These notes were taken from a series titled, "Are You Fit to be Tied" and I mean literally taken from one of the messages in the series. (Sorry, got to keep MY stuff under wraps until MY book is finished.) This is good stuff though, just a little tidbit, but good stuff.
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There is a Biblical Purpose for Marriage
Matthew 19: 1-12
Regarding Divorce, "Now, if you are already married let me make this very clear. Nothing I say from this point on is a justification for you to get out of a marriage. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, 'Are you bound to a wife? Do not SEEK to be loosed.' Now, he didn't say you CAN'T get loosed, he said don't SEEK to be. Don't be looking for an opportunity. He says, 'Are you loosed from a wife? Don't SEEK to be bound.' Nothing I say is justification for anybody to get out of a situation that you are in. The Lord will deal with you about that."
"If you are single or divorced or unmarried, it is you most importantly that I need to talk to so that you do not make the mistakes or the errors or carry the delusions and the myths that a lot of married people sitting next to you wish they had not carried before they got into that mess their in." "And a lot of us have gotten into it because of what we were not taught or because what we were taught was so wacky that we didn't know how to figure out myth and truth."
Matthew 19: 11
Even the truth will not be accepted by some people because they think they know how things should be and line up. (Religion)
Genesis 1: 26-28
The God who makes man is plural, more than one part. He makes man in His image. All of Him. Makes man similar to Him. He must be similar and resemble so he can have dominion. Man is created with more than one part. He created man, male and female, He created them and empowered them to prosper.
Genesis 2: 4-9 / 15-25
Woman is not called woman because she is a man with a womb, but because she came out of man's womb. God created man male/female and blessed them. But there was only one man. He blessed both because the woman was in the man from the beginning. So when He blessed him He blessed her because HE saw her in him from the beginning.
The man goes to sleep, the Lord takes the woman out of him and allows him (man) to name her. He calls her womb-man because she came out of his womb.
When is it time for a man to marry?
When he locates the woman who came out of him. When he finds the woman that came out of him. This is why when it is right you feel like you have known her all your life. You feel like you do not have to get to know each other. You feel as if stuff just clicks because the reality is you all have been hanging out together. It's not just the domestic and physical that draws you as a man it is because she has been in you all along.
Marriage should only occur when you find the one that's been in you.
You know because it's like you didn't have a beginning. You did not just start getting to know each other. It is like you have known them all your life. This is NOT A FEELING, it IS A SENSE. There are things she doesn't have to learn about her man. There are things you don't have to teach. Some things may have to be learned but there is a sense that you know that man and that he knows you. IF you do not have this woman, no matter how good it is temporarily it isn't going to work.
*If the woman hunts for the man she sets herself up to be used and abused. It is the man that hunts for her.
Before Sin - You could not miss it or make an error in finding your mate. There was no uncertainty or interference. There are no other voices. Man is not moving by feelings but by the Spirit of God.
After Sin - You can miss it or make an error. There is uncertainty and interference. There are other voices. They do move by feelings. And there are a lot of choices. Plus, religion says if you can't stop having sex you need to marry that person. Or, if you got her pregnant you need to marry that person.
You must ask yourself if she came out of you. Is there, between you, this knowing of one another? And it takes TIME to determine this. This MUST be certain.
God bases marriage on your word not His Word. You should get married when you are ready to keep your word to that person.
Sin has the ability to harden your heart to discern who the right one is. This is why Moses permitted divorce.
"If you didn't know God before you got married, if you didn't know the Word before you got married, if you did not know how to discern these before you got married it is possible that you made a huge, huge, huge mistake. Religion condemns you for this but God made allowance for that."
The man leaves the home for the purpose of joining to the one that came out of him.
What God has joined together let no man put asunder - This Scripture is taken from the thought that the two were joined because she was the one taken out of him. However, if there is a marriage and this is NOT the fact/truth, then a marriage license does not join them, it is just paper and possible to be in a marriage that is actually adulterous because it is a union that He did NOT join.
Marriage before God is to actually be the RE-JOINING. The Earthly joining of something that was already. And when that happens and the other items are met than God says, "Are you ready to keep your word?" Because all this stuff is now in order. If you aren't done doing your thing, playing around, messing around, don't stand at an alter and start your marriage with a lie.
Saying I do means I will continue to. It isn't an event, it is a process of choices that God intends you to meet and keep.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Tiger, Jesse, (Insert Name Here)
I will probably get some heat for this post but when has that ever stopped me? :)I figure since everyone else is giving their “opinion” on the matter I might as well also.
In situations like such, while the media chooses to put the spotlight on the men, there are also women out there doing the same thing.
Stating the obvious, these men are gifted at what they do and known for their craft. But the truth is, what these men do for a living is NOT who they truly are. A man’s function is separate from his person. Just because a man may be excellent in his craft it doesn't mean that he will be excellent at life. To expect this will only lead to disappointment. Regardless an individual's gifts are without repentance. I don't believe the two should be mixed. If the media is covering the Masters, cover the Masters, not the individual and his mistakes.
The other obvious is yes, these men were married when they indulged on their world tours. Sadly, they are not the first or the last who will indulge while married or in a significant relationship. Truth is, just because these men, along with their significant others and the media made their marriages “appear” perfect doesn't mean that is what was going on behind closed doors. Unless we are there with them day in and day out we truly don’t know what these couples deal with within their marriage. Now, I am in NO WAY condoning the cheating. The right thing to do if this were the case would be to separate or divorce before going on a world tour, even if one or both were checked out of the marriage already. Regardless, I am simply saying that things sometimes aren’t always as they appear, especially with high profile individuals who are put on a pedestal. We somehow forget that they are human and like the average individual more than we think.
I will also go on to say that I am not too sure that these guys have a “sex addiction” problem. I do think their problem was getting married. Hey, if you are a guy (or a woman) that enjoys having intimacy and not being tied down because you like the variety or because having more than one woman makes you feel like a man, in control, powerful, fills some kind of void or insecurity then go ahead, be safe, enjoy, but own up to it and don’t get married. Don’t drag someone else into it whose desires are different than yours. I believe that these types of the male species think that getting married will “cure” them, help them deal with their ways because their ways are frowned upon by society. I think I heard that Jesse James was quoted to say, “She is going to make me an honest man”. Unfortunately, as we see, that is not the case. Only the individual can fix this aspect and it can only be fixed if the desire is there to fix it. If for some reason they are OK with the way they are they need to remain playing the field. While in the field I realize this guy will come in contact with that one who stands out from the rest and that the selfish side of him might not want to give her up for fear they may not meet someone like her again. The answer to this is not to attempt to make her fit within your lifestyle, thinking one day you will stop and settle down. As much as she stands out from the rest, if you are not ready to keep it in your pants and be with only her for the rest of your days then give up the selfishness and let her go. If it is meant to be maybe at the right time opportunity will rise again. Or, try something new. Attempt to be honest and share with her who you are, where you are at and what you deal with and then allow her to make her own decision based off your truth rather than a bunch of lies. Everyone is covered in that scenario.
Now on to the women, I have been cheated on in PAST relationships and I believe that EVERY woman, whether they want to admit to it or not, know or have some intuition when their man is creeping. Even if you have a great entertainer on your hands there is still that sense that something just isn’t quite right. However, women have mastered denial so they tuck it away, wishing it away, ignoring it and avoiding it rather than deal with it head on. A great deal of times we see the red flags but choose to believe that those red flags can change. What we really need to ask before getting serious is, “If this NEVER changes am I going to be OK with it.” In my situations I dealt with it head on and my great entertainer denied it and told lie after lie. When this happens, you have to make a choice whether to trust and continue on or leave. I know leaving isn’t easy but for some reason, and this may just be me, despite how hard / emotional / scary it is, being alone but free sounds way better than being in a relationship and bound. On the other hand, IF the man makes it known it isn’t working and states clearly how they feel and the woman chooses to stay in it, well, I wish I could have sympathy for the outcomes but I can’t, been there in the PAST too (got to make it clear or people will attach this to one’s current situation), hoping “he would see who I really am and change his mind, his ways”, somehow he never did, and Thank Jesus he never did! LOL! Now I get what my friends mean when they say they are happily separated or divorced. LOL!
Last but not least let’s speak on these other women. To the one’s that did come forward, thank you for exposing who you really are, gold digging groupies who care more about the things, spotlight and 5 minutes of fame than the individual. For you, this was all about you being able to say that you had intimacy and some sort of something with “so and so”. It was about living a lifestyle that you were to lazy or faithless to receive on your own. I guess the bright side is that before something completely craze happened where one of you might have actually ended up connected to them the whole situation was exposed, at quite a cost, but possibly less than had you connected yourself to one of them for say…18 years. Better luck next time. To the one’s that did NOT come forward, IF you truly cared and loved and thought you were being told the truth and had something special, basically deceived, either by your doing because of your heart or by the doing of him, well, I hope you at least get a sincere apology. Let’s be real, some guys will say whatever they know they have to say to get whatever it is they want.
So there you have it. I guess my peeve with this is the judging aspect. To that, "He that cast the first stone...." We are all human and we all make mistakes, some at a higher price than others. We must remember that no matter how elevated we become we are still human and as quickly as we received is as quickly as we can lose. And regardless to what people or the media portray you can never truly know what two people are going through unless they invite you into it or you are there with them day to day. And let's be grown for a minute. Sometimes people make mistakes when joining themselves to a mate. It happens with celebrities, Presidents, normal individuals, in the church and out of the church. What it comes down to is how you deal with your mistakes. People's personal lives are just that, THEIR personal lives. Let's leave it that way. After all, if I am a golf fan, all I care is that my fave golfer is playing golf. I really don't care to hear about his sex life or even about his family. The ONLY reason Tiger, Jesse, etc. got exposed is because they are in the spotlight. So save your oohs and aahs, this stuff, unfortunately happens more often then not.
In situations like such, while the media chooses to put the spotlight on the men, there are also women out there doing the same thing.
Stating the obvious, these men are gifted at what they do and known for their craft. But the truth is, what these men do for a living is NOT who they truly are. A man’s function is separate from his person. Just because a man may be excellent in his craft it doesn't mean that he will be excellent at life. To expect this will only lead to disappointment. Regardless an individual's gifts are without repentance. I don't believe the two should be mixed. If the media is covering the Masters, cover the Masters, not the individual and his mistakes.
The other obvious is yes, these men were married when they indulged on their world tours. Sadly, they are not the first or the last who will indulge while married or in a significant relationship. Truth is, just because these men, along with their significant others and the media made their marriages “appear” perfect doesn't mean that is what was going on behind closed doors. Unless we are there with them day in and day out we truly don’t know what these couples deal with within their marriage. Now, I am in NO WAY condoning the cheating. The right thing to do if this were the case would be to separate or divorce before going on a world tour, even if one or both were checked out of the marriage already. Regardless, I am simply saying that things sometimes aren’t always as they appear, especially with high profile individuals who are put on a pedestal. We somehow forget that they are human and like the average individual more than we think.
I will also go on to say that I am not too sure that these guys have a “sex addiction” problem. I do think their problem was getting married. Hey, if you are a guy (or a woman) that enjoys having intimacy and not being tied down because you like the variety or because having more than one woman makes you feel like a man, in control, powerful, fills some kind of void or insecurity then go ahead, be safe, enjoy, but own up to it and don’t get married. Don’t drag someone else into it whose desires are different than yours. I believe that these types of the male species think that getting married will “cure” them, help them deal with their ways because their ways are frowned upon by society. I think I heard that Jesse James was quoted to say, “She is going to make me an honest man”. Unfortunately, as we see, that is not the case. Only the individual can fix this aspect and it can only be fixed if the desire is there to fix it. If for some reason they are OK with the way they are they need to remain playing the field. While in the field I realize this guy will come in contact with that one who stands out from the rest and that the selfish side of him might not want to give her up for fear they may not meet someone like her again. The answer to this is not to attempt to make her fit within your lifestyle, thinking one day you will stop and settle down. As much as she stands out from the rest, if you are not ready to keep it in your pants and be with only her for the rest of your days then give up the selfishness and let her go. If it is meant to be maybe at the right time opportunity will rise again. Or, try something new. Attempt to be honest and share with her who you are, where you are at and what you deal with and then allow her to make her own decision based off your truth rather than a bunch of lies. Everyone is covered in that scenario.
Now on to the women, I have been cheated on in PAST relationships and I believe that EVERY woman, whether they want to admit to it or not, know or have some intuition when their man is creeping. Even if you have a great entertainer on your hands there is still that sense that something just isn’t quite right. However, women have mastered denial so they tuck it away, wishing it away, ignoring it and avoiding it rather than deal with it head on. A great deal of times we see the red flags but choose to believe that those red flags can change. What we really need to ask before getting serious is, “If this NEVER changes am I going to be OK with it.” In my situations I dealt with it head on and my great entertainer denied it and told lie after lie. When this happens, you have to make a choice whether to trust and continue on or leave. I know leaving isn’t easy but for some reason, and this may just be me, despite how hard / emotional / scary it is, being alone but free sounds way better than being in a relationship and bound. On the other hand, IF the man makes it known it isn’t working and states clearly how they feel and the woman chooses to stay in it, well, I wish I could have sympathy for the outcomes but I can’t, been there in the PAST too (got to make it clear or people will attach this to one’s current situation), hoping “he would see who I really am and change his mind, his ways”, somehow he never did, and Thank Jesus he never did! LOL! Now I get what my friends mean when they say they are happily separated or divorced. LOL!
Last but not least let’s speak on these other women. To the one’s that did come forward, thank you for exposing who you really are, gold digging groupies who care more about the things, spotlight and 5 minutes of fame than the individual. For you, this was all about you being able to say that you had intimacy and some sort of something with “so and so”. It was about living a lifestyle that you were to lazy or faithless to receive on your own. I guess the bright side is that before something completely craze happened where one of you might have actually ended up connected to them the whole situation was exposed, at quite a cost, but possibly less than had you connected yourself to one of them for say…18 years. Better luck next time. To the one’s that did NOT come forward, IF you truly cared and loved and thought you were being told the truth and had something special, basically deceived, either by your doing because of your heart or by the doing of him, well, I hope you at least get a sincere apology. Let’s be real, some guys will say whatever they know they have to say to get whatever it is they want.
So there you have it. I guess my peeve with this is the judging aspect. To that, "He that cast the first stone...." We are all human and we all make mistakes, some at a higher price than others. We must remember that no matter how elevated we become we are still human and as quickly as we received is as quickly as we can lose. And regardless to what people or the media portray you can never truly know what two people are going through unless they invite you into it or you are there with them day to day. And let's be grown for a minute. Sometimes people make mistakes when joining themselves to a mate. It happens with celebrities, Presidents, normal individuals, in the church and out of the church. What it comes down to is how you deal with your mistakes. People's personal lives are just that, THEIR personal lives. Let's leave it that way. After all, if I am a golf fan, all I care is that my fave golfer is playing golf. I really don't care to hear about his sex life or even about his family. The ONLY reason Tiger, Jesse, etc. got exposed is because they are in the spotlight. So save your oohs and aahs, this stuff, unfortunately happens more often then not.
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