Relationships

Relationships…Relationships…Relationships…

That one word can relate to so many different types, family, colleagues, career, ministry, and of course intimate. And for some reason the intimate relationship, the relationship between man and woman seems to be the focal point of most women, and maybe even some men. It is the focal of every conversation for the single woman and the older you get the more hope is lost concerning you finding “Mr. Right” from those who ask the million dollar question every time they see you, “Anyone special in your life?” It is as if the world of the single woman is supposed to revolve around the search for someone special to share their life with.

Now for some women this is the case, IN and OUT of the “church”. Some women are justified by who they are with, some women think it will make their lives easier if they have a man in it, some women can’t be alone so they manipulate, force, trap, or provide houses, money, cars, and vacations to get the one they want.

Then there are those women who claim to have “heard” from God who their mate is, no I should put husband there, even though the target man is married OR even though they have never had a conversation with the man, a relationship with the man or better yet, an introduction with the man.

Lastly, there are those who know their place, understand their role, have gone through the preparation season and are ready for companionship. However, these women do not stop their world in search of this, nor do they utilize their own tactics, rather they seek God and keep flowing with God and know that what belongs to them is theirs and therefore, no matter what happens along the way they will end up exactly where and with whom they are supposed to be with.

People, especially in the “church”, make the whole man/woman – boy/girl relationship process so much more difficult then it is. Some individuals think that God is up there in Heaven telling people who they are going to end up with. Some think He is up there in Heaven throwing bricks down with people’s names on them and hitting us over the head so we end up with the right individual. News flash is that He isn’t doing any of this. He can’t because He gave us free will, which means He gave us the power to choose. He isn’t going to force His people do anything. He presents and gives His people the power to choose. Even with salvation, He laid the Truth before us, gave us all the facts but still gave us the power to choose or not choose salvation. It is the same when it comes to relationships. He brings us to or brings to us and we choose. Sometimes people get it right but forfeit it either because of their doing or the doing of someone else, sometimes people just get it right and, sometimes people get it wrong, yes, even Kingdom individuals. And if you don’t believe that just read Kathryn Kuhlman’s story.

Like anything else, the best way to understand is to go back to the beginning and study God’s order. Some of this comes from a teaching and some the Lord showed me. In Genesis it states that God (created) man in His image, male and female He created them and blessed them. Further down in Genesis it states that He (formed) man, breathed life into him and man became a living being. As we keep going we see God place Adam in the garden to tend and keep it, we see God give the man instruction, we see God declare that it is not good for man to be (alone) so He makes the man a comparable help only first, before woman, He forms every beast of the field and bird of the air and brings them to Adam to see what Adam calls them for whatever Adam called them was to be their name. Now if God is all knowing and God formed these creatures then God obviously knew what they were called. He was seeing if Adam knew what they were called. To inject we should remember that at this time there was no sin in the Earth so Adam was walking perfectly with God, without distraction, without confusion and thereby named them correctly. As we continue to read we see that among these a comparable help for Adam was not found so God then makes woman from the man’s rib, brings the woman to the man and the man names her. I don’t believe it reads that the woman was brought to the man and told the man who she was and who she was to him. Yet today, women feel the need to declare who they are to the man and if the man can’t see it they go through a whirlwind of emotions and questions that normally leads to lack of confidence and low self-esteem. Why? Is it because the women are attempting to make something that isn’t God to be God or is that so few men are in their rightful place with God and thereby can’t see what is before them and name their comparable help correctly? And it can always go either way.

Now that one understands the order one knows the outline. God (forms) man and breathes life (vision) into him. God places the man in the garden to tend to it and keep it (work, job, and/or career), we see that the man has responsibility and that he is accountable to something / someone bigger then him. Once he is flowing in his responsibility the Lord sees that it is not good for him to be alone so He makes a comparable help. Not compatible (which most think you are to look for) but comparable. And normally because the word “help” is utilized here most women take it out of context and believe it means that they are to assist the man with his responsibility, with his career, with his job. This is not the case. Adam was flowing in his responsibility. What Adam needed was companionship. Adam needed someone who could love him, care for him, have conversation with, act goofy with, bounce ideas off of, share revelation, someone he could agree with and let us not forget someone he could be intimate with. That myth that for some reason when you are “saved” you shouldn’t discuss sex or because your “saved” you shouldn’t have a desire for sex or that once your hitched everything comes down to military style couldn’t be farther from the truth. If you liked to switch it up before you got together then you better continue to switch it up while you’re together.  Hey, someone has to talk about it.

The Lord spoke to me and said, “Rebecca, your role is not to minister to the man’s function but it is to minister to the man so that he can function.” Men are not their careers and their careers are not them. It is what they do it is not who they are, it is what brings forth provision and for some it is what they must do because God called them to do it and there is no other option. Their career is what they do day in and day out. They don’t need a woman by their side to assist with that aspect of their lives they need a woman who will help them escape that part of their lives. They need someone they can come to that will allow them to just be them, someone they don’t have to have all the answers with, someone they can be vulnerable with, someone who doesn’t care about what they do but cares about who they are, the person of them. And for every man it is different. Some men may need assistance with what they do and if they do they will convey it.

Women are there to bring addition to the man, not subtraction. (If you hook up with a woman and start seeing loss rather than gain you may want to revisit your choice) Women need to learn to not only listen to their man but actually hear what their man is saying. Women often say they have listened but very few have actually heard. And this goes for single women also. How many women stay with men who confess the red flags the women see from the beginning or stay with a man who straight out tells them that they don’t want to be in a relationship, even though the man’s actions say something different? Rather then hearing everything in the conversation, because the woman wants to be in that relationship, she will pick and choose what she wants to hear and then live in this continuous cycle of hurt and pain because she is attempting to make the relationship something it isn’t and because the man is able to get what he wants without committing and takes advantage of that. And this can go the other way as well. Women and I believe even men stay in unhealthy relationships because of fear of the unknown, because all they can see at that moment is what is before them and they are not sure if they can take that leap to fly because they are not sure that someone will be there to catch them. The good news for those of us with relationship with God is that He is always there to catch us.

I have learned that it is best to embrace times of solitude and allow the Lord to heal oneself, deliver oneself, and give clarity regarding the purpose and call for oneself before getting into an intimate relationship so that one is clear and will recognize what is for them rather then settle for what isn’t. Why settle for what is good when you can eventually have what is best?

Again, what God has for you can belong to no one else even if at that moment someone else has them. If God took the rib from man and made man’s woman from his rib then we have all come out of a man. Some man out there somewhere has been carrying us and the truth is, no matter how many women he goes through and vice versa none will satisfy him, or you the way you do each other. None will have the grace to handle him, or you the way you handle each other. None will be able to flow with him, or you the way you flow together. Why? It is simple, you are him and he is you and when God created him he created you and blessed (empowered) you in him. This is why it will just work when you both meet. This is why you will be able to tap into his anointing and his grace in ways others can’t, and, rather then hinder him or be hindered by him there will be favor, increase and liberty. There will be success.

See, what we forget to do is seek God as to why people are brought into our lives. Some are assignments, some help us mature and grow, some are there for a reason, some are there for a season, but only one will be there for a lifetime, and this will be the one that I came out of!

In closing, revelation is progressive, so of course more can be added and some could be expounded on and of course everyone’s relationship with God is different. Relationship with God is just that, your own relationship with God and everyone’s relationship with God is different because none of His children were created the exact same. Therefore, what we are given through His Word and through His revelation are the guidelines but how or what happens within those guidelines is between God and His child. How He speaks to one may not be how He speaks to another. The grace He gives to one may not be the same grace given to another. With God, it is like any relationship, the more you spend time with Him the more you understand Him and His Word and the more you understand Him and His Word the more you understand you because you are Him!